Something Different

So usually I flood my blog with pictures. And updates. And milestones. Today is a little different.
Today I am taking a moment while Dominic and Connor are at school, and Emmy sleeping...to soak in the last few weeks and the mixed emotions I am feeling right now. This post is more of a journal entry, a reflection (and hopefully I don't get in trouble with my teenage son!)

You see, the last several weeks (rather, all Summer) Dominic has been trying to narrow down his college choices. Jeff and I have really taken a backseat approach to the process, until about 3 weeks ago when I came home to a very upset young man agonizing over making decisions. I got involved. And recruited some help from a very knowledgeable friend, whom I will forever be indebted. (Is that a word or did I just make that up?!) Long story short. Dom has come to some conclusions. This Fall he will be applying to 4 schools. All private Christian universities. All in Washington and Oregon. And next Fall, God willing, he will be attending one of the following:

Seattle Pacific
Northwest
Whitworth
And George Foxx

He wants to Major in Political Science and Minor in Bible.
I tried so hard to get him to apply to backup state schools and universities...just in case we can't get enough funding for him to attend one of his choices. But he insisted that he would not be able to study Bible if he went to a public school. True. And he feels called in that direction. We whole heartedly support him so here we go! I don't know how we're going to pay for it. I don't know what any of that looks like. But I am told that funding is left to be worried about for next semester and I believe that if he is called to study Bible and attend a Christian University, the Lord will provide.

For so long now I have known that Dom is headed for great things, including an amazing college experience. But I could never picture what any of that actually looked like. Until he decided on his schools. I can vision the general area of the U.S. in which he'll be living. The weather. The coming home for the holidays, etc...And most of all I can picture my young man moving away.

That, my friends, is the difficult part. That is where the tears well up in my eyes and my heart starts to ache. Not out of worry. Or concern that he isn't prepared. He is so ready. I am not.
I know I have 11 whole months to enjoy his being home with the family. But I only have 11 months to enjoy his being home with the family. Sure, there are things that have annoyed me about the teenage years. Like how he takes up the whole kitchen counter in the mornings while he's getting his breakfast and lunch packed up, while I am trying to work in there too! But then, I think about how next year I will miss that. I will miss seeing his happy smile every almost every morning. My weekend nights of lying awake waiting till 11:00 (curfew) to hear the key turn in the front door, praying he'll get home safely, will be replaced with a different kind of prayer, knowing that it won't be followed by a young man coming home that night. A prayer that he is safe wherever he is. A prayer that the Lord will protect him and guide him during this next chapter in his life.

Many years ago I chose a Bible verse for him and it sits in a frame on his night stand in his room.
It reads:    "I know the plans I have for you,"
               declares the Lord, "plans to prosper
         you and not to harm you, plans to give you
                            hope and a future."
                              Jeremiah 29:11
I could not have found a better verse for my son. It speaks to his life, all he's been through, all he's overcome, and all he's capable of.

I know I sound like a broken record when I talk about how the time goes so quickly. But if I had only known, I would've taken more time for play. Not worried quite so much about the house when he asked me, "Mommy will you play Legos with me?" I would've stopped, and if not played, watched and memorized his sweet little face and his little boy voice. Because that little boy is only in my memory and pictures. He's most definitely a man now. He not only looks like one and sounds like one, but has his own thoughts and ideas about the world. Goals and dreams. And that's where I get excited! He is at such a pivotal time. A time where he has endless opportunities. The next several years he will grow and experience so many amazing things! He is intelligent and has worked so hard. Not to say the next few years will be easy, but it will be a lot of fun!

I look forward to seeing what lies ahead for him. And I will always only be a phone call away. But for now, I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff. To teach him all I can to prepare him for living on his own. To just enjoy his presence and share in the excitement of Senior Year.